October-I Love It

 The words “Love” and “Loss” seem always to be stuck together!  You lose your heart. You lose your soul.  You lose your love.  But, nothing can be farther from the truth. 

You cannot lose any of that!  Your heart, soul, and love are eternally within each of us.  When people have a loved one die (I’m as bad as everyone using this term), they say, “I lost my husband.” 

Yes, when someone we love transcends, we may lose their body, we may lose their presence in our everyday lives, but we will never lose them.  Their pure essence surrounds us because of the love we shared.  A heart may feel broken and drained, but the love within heals and motivates. 

Sadly, our society deems it necessary for us to “recognize the five steps, talk to a bunch of strangers going through a similar process, push yourself to go past what you are comfortable with, and in general, “move on.” 

Each of us responds to dying, death, and grief differently, just as different as our personalities, so is our grief process.  We do not all fit in the same lump!  More importantly, we do not have to do what “society,” tells us to do!

Grieving is like traveling in a spiral.  Sometimes you travel by and rest at a place you have visited before, and sometimes you dwell a little longer than “they” say you should.  But, what “they” do not understand is that each brief or long stop and resting point gives more love, healing, and more revelations for growth.

Grief isn’t about moving on or creating a new life.  It’s learning about yourself, learning to like yourself, learning to be a new person. The love within you, the love for your loved one, and the love God gives us is the healing and the change. 

My grieving process needs the memories and the commemoration each year.  I am the new, healing, loving human because I love those who have transcended, and to honor them is essential! As I celebrate, I am grateful for the time and love that helped me become who I am today. 

Travel the spiral of grief and see nothing but light and love for the person you are because of your loved one!  Each “loss” brings new life and understanding within you.

I celebrate October for two reasons!  The first is because I’ve always loved October; it’s the significance of fall and cooler weather that I continue to appreciate.  Secondly, October 16, 2012, and October 17, 2015, I celebrate the remembrance of the passing of my husband Charles and my brother Grover.

Imprinted indelibly in my heart, forever, the day the two important men in my life left their earthly bodies.  I make no apologies for this remembrance or celebration of who they are or how they influence me to this very day.

I do not believe “moving on” has anything to do with loving and remembering and celebrating the lives of loved ones.  To “move on” does not mean you delete the person you love from your memory or to forget the person.   It’s no different than anniversaries or birthdays---a celebration for being alive and for special events. 

A celebration of someone who has passed isn't morbid or wrong!  A celebration every year of a loved one passing is as beautiful as the anniversary of marriage or meeting someone.  It's the love you celebrate.  It is the eternal connection of souls you celebrate!  It is God's gift to each of us.  The blessing God has given us of love for this significant person.

Love-Hate

 

The promise of change,

The beauty of colors

The awakening month.

I love October.

And I hate October.

It brings grief,

that slithers into my heart.

It brings memories that flood my eyes.

I try to fight it.

I try to hold it at bay.

Then I remember,

This gift that God has given.

Grieving is a pressure valve for our spirits.

It releases the pressure little by little.

The healing and comfort come from love.

Our blessings come from that love.

Our love for them,

And God’s love for us.