Freedom

I heard someone say the other day we all have a "default stuckness" a response we automatically return to when we are upset, frustrated, sad, angry, and depressed.  A default setting that makes everything seem "normal" or resolved so we do not have to experience an uncomfortable time. 

Within the endless hours of meditation, prayer, solitude, and joyful respite, I have learned to recognize the "default stuckness" responses I sometimes experience.  

For example, once upon a time, I would make excuses for and would ignore toxic behavior or manipulation. Painful lessons I had to learn, and I must say that since Charles (my husband) passed, I have had to be more in tune and stronger in dealing with those types of situations.  I am the only one taking care of me, and I must stand up for what is right for me. 

The empowerment I feel because I recognize and stand firm against negative and harmful situations is a beautiful feeling.  I am stronger and healthier emotionally than I ever have been. I am no longer "stuck" in an automated response.  I continue moving forward with resolve to be grateful and see the problem as not a problem, but another lesson I have grasped.

I revisit poems to get in touch with what I need. I'm not saying it's easy, it's still a process, but I see improvement and I see more strength.  Events, people, time, and unexpected developments will always occur, but each time it is easier. 

I wrote my book "Leaning Into Grief-Words of Experience and Healing Poems" to help others, but I find myself using it as a reference when I get that "default stuckness" feeling! I am allowing those daily lessons and all the painful feelings to open my heart even more.

It is freedom for my heart and my soul!

"Leaning Into Grief—Words of Experience and Healing Poems”

A Never-Ending Saga

 

"It has been seven years since my best friend and husband died.  I have done what the "experts" say you must do to end your grief!

I do not believe; my grief will end; it has taken on new and unforeseen paths.  It provides me with daily lessons.  I think every time someone you care about, love, or admire, dies, and the grief takes on new shapes and forms.

Why would anyone want to rush moments we will never see again?  I cautiously separate worn-out emotions from the purposes and lessons brought to me.  I know deep within my being, that suffering has brought freedom to my life.

I have re-discovered, and there is a lot of "re-s" during this process.  As I have leaned further into this world of grief, I have been revealed more by the God who I know is here with me.

I have found places inside of myself; I had forgotten.  I have above all else, located in the darkness and light of my grieving a closeness to God I can only describe as glorious.

I am free from the confines of any pain I have endured because I have surrendered to God; I know God is in Every Thing and behind all things."

Freedom

Freeing my spirit

from the worn-out emotions

of a life gone forever.

Visiting the past and

cleansing my heart

allows light and hope

into a new life, the present life.

It is full of trust and faith