With Honor and Love

I met Barbara Wade 59 years ago.  I was 11 years old, and I was so excited to have a sister!  I had a brother, but a sister was something I had always wanted!  Barbara and my brother were both 15 years older than me, and that made no difference to me! 

Barbara was a teacher at heart (even when she wasn’t at school!), and she and I immediately were simpatico! It was the beginning of a relationship that grew and expanded and flourished.

Sometimes we lived considerable distances from each other, but we did what we both knew and did best!  We wrote letters.  Even after I moved back to Oklahoma, we wrote letters because back then, a phone call from Owasso to Pawnee or Coweta was long-distance.  6-8 page letters filled with sharing poetry, news about our families (and problems!), and our spirituality and love for writing. 

I had abandoned my writing several years before, and when I began writing again in the 1980s, Barb was my mentor and my encourager.  We both were writing a lot of poetry, and so we encouraged each other to submit poems and stories to several different venues.  We both ended up with poems published a couple of times in the same magazines.  It was so much fun! 

We both got busy again—taking care of parents and grandchildren being born, so once again, our writing was put “on the back burner.”

We both began to write again when our parents passed, and once again began mentoring each other.  We had so much fun, writing, sharing, calling each other(by then it wasn’t long distance!) and we would talk for hours! 

That is what I miss the most about Barb not being here. Our talks about the Universe, God, poetry, kids, grandkids, and when Charles died, and Grover died, our sad hearts. It’s been a year this next week since she passed, and her birthday is July 2. 

I knew in my heart when my brother, Grover, died that Barb would not be able to cope.  She was doing better at times, and then their son died about seven weeks before Barb did.  I knew inside she would not be around much longer. 

It’s interesting because just this morning I was reading about a true to life heart condition that exists and is scientifically proven.  “Broken Heart Syndrome” It has the same symptoms as a heart attack, even the lab results show a heart attack and the heart looks weakened.  In an otherwise healthy person, the heart stops functioning.  I am convinced that Barbara died from a broken heart.  She said every time I talked to her, “Patty, why am I still here since Grover is gone?” And, when her son died, every word was filled with sobs, and “I can’t go on.”

I know she is partying with her loved ones, and my brother (and probably Charles too), and I feel selfish sometimes that I miss her so badly. 

Then, I can hear her saying, “You get off your butt and write!  You have a lot more to do and a lot more to teach Corbin!”  She was my teacher and in school, my actual teacher, and she always told me that I am a teacher at heart! 

So yesterday I taught more, today, I write more and tomorrow I’ll write even more, in honor of you, my sister!  Love you, Barb!  I honor you and your spirit! 

 

My Sis

My secret keeper.

My comrade of sorrows

My biggest and best support

And defender,

From childhood to Senior hood.

My friend.

My mentor.

My soul sister.

God was the reason

We found each other.

--Pat Wade Nicholson