Why Am I Here

Rev. Mary Anne put something on my heart on Sunday.  I was so thirsty for words to uplift and inspire, and she always delivers that.  But she also tends to pierce the center of me with a “Hey, you, listen to this.”  and I cannot ignore it.

During this chaotic and massively impacting 2020, we do need to think of the future.  What will happen, what will I do, how will I feel, and all those fear-laden thoughts of the unknown. 

But,  what am I here for—right now---April 2020—isolated, angry, frustrated, and fearful?  I’ve been contemplating that since Sunday.  I’m okay with disaster, and I can have calm and confident actions if I must.  I am a talker, a “calmer-downer” as a grandchild once told me.  I guess that is why I would get phone calls at 2 am, or a grandchild during chaos would retreat to my home.  I’m not as good at it as I used to be because drama simply drains me into nothing.  But I do listen, and in the right circumstances, I can still give good “calming down” talks.  I listen, not only to them but for the “right words” to help them take the next step on their own.

It suddenly occurred to me that when I write this blog and include a poem, when I search for a quote or just the right picture for the posts I do for my church, and my personal use, I still intend to calm. Or I try to!   Oh, I have my days when I must get it all out of my system before I can continue with any kind of inspiration.  And, it's usually blunt and very opinionated and striving to "teach", and that's me too!

Even Corbin listens to me, and that is the most significant accomplishment in the world!  I have taken him from a melt-down to calm with just words.  But, I know it’s only because of the prayer I pray each time he is with me. 

I hope to use the same innovation and creativity, so I can  “be there” when it’s all over. We will all be taking baby steps to a new life.  It won’t ever be what it was before, and it will be a new life for all of us. 

God has some good stuff for us to do, and right now, when we are all isolated and still---we need to listen!  We are all standing in a threshold of a new life looking for our niche in the forever changing world.

I’ve shown pictures of these objects before. Each has great significance to me.  I look upon them daily, and I find strength.  I study each piece as I write so to include them is important. 

The table belonged to my Great-grandmother Darthula Wade—it’s dated pre-1920 because she died in 1920.  A strong, independent woman who made a massive difference in my dad’s life.  I call it my “spirit table.” 

The lamp, Charles bought me in 1988.  I fell in love with it and its total beauty to me and light.

The large angel, Celtic wings, and the inscription “with you always.”  I found the picture of it in one of Charles’s catalogs right after he died.  Strangely, the page had both corners turned down. He was studying Celtic design for his woodworking.  I bought it for myself.

The Celtic Cross in the center was given to me by a dear friend as a source of love and assurance I would be in Ireland one day. I draw nearer to Ireland and her strength and inspiration each time I look at the cross.

The various rocks are from other countries brought back to me by those, I love, and stones from Jerusalem have words I wrote on them to study for a year.

The small angel with her hand over her heart was given to me by a loved one. 

Rocks represent the strength of the ancestors and hope for the future because the rocks will still be there long after I’m gone.

Where Will I Be

I am here now,

watching the horrors

of our lives that once were,                                                        

disappear. 

Within myself, I struggle

to stay centered  and

not allow me to fear

the unknown.

I listen for words

in this chaos that

will bring strength for

what is to come.

We cannot hold hands or

wrap our arms around

each other

But, in God’s way,

we can

love and support and

unite.