The "Real" Anniversary

October 16, 2012, two years ago, but burned into my memory as if it was yesterday.  Maybe it was, I think I lost a year.  All of the first year was like looking through a thin sheet of plastic all the time; sometimes as if I was watching a movie.  I continue to pass through the anniversary days wondering if it is real.  It's real because it's just me now, life is moving on around me so quickly I feel like I will never catch up.  Maybe that is what is meant by a "new normal".  I never thought my life would be so isolated.  I remember a time when this beautiful house was full of laughter, play and love.  Children grow up, people move away, life goes on, and people forget. I suppose that was one of the reasons I wanted to sell this house and move, to escape those memories.  I can work all day long trying to make this house mine and only mine, but Charles is still here, always will be.

 

Anniversary

If I scream will the deafening memories cease?

Or will I simply frighten the dog?

The air stagnant with thoughts of the last days

Overshadowing the joys of the life before

Leaving me crying and lonely with the after…

PA Wade

2014

 

 

The Gift

You can’t go over or under it.

You can’t go around it.

You can’t pretend it doesn’t exist.

It will catch you eventually.

It will drag you kicking and screaming

Back to where you need to be.

You must go through it.

Your heart ripping apart.

Your head pounding from crying all day.

Your gut empty and twisted.

The memories taking all the space in your brain.

The love gift of grief must be.

The pain heals your spirit

Makes you different….

Better, Stronger and truly aware

Of what life really is.

Love

Given by God.

PA Wade

2014