Have You Ever Been Too Tired to Read?
There is one thing about grieving that no one seems to talk about, that is how exhausting it is! In the last 17 months I have been more exhausted and had less energy than any other time in my life. Including when my sons were babies or when I've taken care of a grandchild for many days! You add a "fuzzy" brain to that and I think sometimes I must look like a zombie walking around. Believe me, I know Zombies because of Corbin!
When I do have a momentary burst of energy, I feel like I'm living again, but then I'm down for the count after doing very much. However, the "aftermath exhaustion" is even worse! Especially when I have pushed myself to do things I know are going to suck every last bit of strength from me! As much as I need contact with others, it is also the most depleting thing I can do. I know after just one counseling session that I have neglected me the last 17 months, I thought of everyone else and their feelings and I was constantly on guard to not upset anyone or let anyone have a reason to worry about me. It is no wonder I come home and collapse sometimes when I have been around a lot of people, be it family or just acquaintances,
Take this week end, beginning on Friday after having a busy week with graduation, birthday party, etc., I could not stay awake. I slept late(for me) and I still could not keep from napping off and on all day and then sleeping a full night each night. I woke too early this morning (Monday) I guess because my body clock knows it's Monday and "time for Bubba", but I fell asleep after reading the paper! Wow, exhausting stuff, reading the paper!
I have read and researched and read comments of others whom are grieving, they all say the same thing, "Grieving is hard work, it's exhausting". Sometimes I worry I'm getting sick (can't do that cause I have no insurance!), but then I realize what is happening. I will remember, "Oh, yeah, I just cried for an hour, I'm not sick!" Like I said before, "Brain like a peach", fuzzy!
I have been an avid reader my entire life, and I have finished many books in one day or when I was in high school, over-night. Now, I start to read and an hour into it, I'm falling asleep. It's frustrating and makes me angry sometimes! I want that part of my life back so much! I always had several projects going at one time, knitting, sewing, cooking, writing, reading. Most of the time, I'm too tired and the rest of the time, I cannot focus enough to do more than one thing at a time. Focusing is tiring as well, and that has never been a problem for me. I have always been ultra focused, actually, more OCD focused to finish a project I have started. I struggle to focus on anything, I love to cook, but I can't focus enough or whatever to do much more than one dish at a time. I've burned more meals than I ever have in my life!
Well, that's it-----no poem for today-----just a tired and fuzzy old lady who ...........................................................................................................................oops, sorry dozed off!
When I do have a momentary burst of energy, I feel like I'm living again, but then I'm down for the count after doing very much. However, the "aftermath exhaustion" is even worse! Especially when I have pushed myself to do things I know are going to suck every last bit of strength from me! As much as I need contact with others, it is also the most depleting thing I can do. I know after just one counseling session that I have neglected me the last 17 months, I thought of everyone else and their feelings and I was constantly on guard to not upset anyone or let anyone have a reason to worry about me. It is no wonder I come home and collapse sometimes when I have been around a lot of people, be it family or just acquaintances,
Take this week end, beginning on Friday after having a busy week with graduation, birthday party, etc., I could not stay awake. I slept late(for me) and I still could not keep from napping off and on all day and then sleeping a full night each night. I woke too early this morning (Monday) I guess because my body clock knows it's Monday and "time for Bubba", but I fell asleep after reading the paper! Wow, exhausting stuff, reading the paper!
I have read and researched and read comments of others whom are grieving, they all say the same thing, "Grieving is hard work, it's exhausting". Sometimes I worry I'm getting sick (can't do that cause I have no insurance!), but then I realize what is happening. I will remember, "Oh, yeah, I just cried for an hour, I'm not sick!" Like I said before, "Brain like a peach", fuzzy!
I have been an avid reader my entire life, and I have finished many books in one day or when I was in high school, over-night. Now, I start to read and an hour into it, I'm falling asleep. It's frustrating and makes me angry sometimes! I want that part of my life back so much! I always had several projects going at one time, knitting, sewing, cooking, writing, reading. Most of the time, I'm too tired and the rest of the time, I cannot focus enough to do more than one thing at a time. Focusing is tiring as well, and that has never been a problem for me. I have always been ultra focused, actually, more OCD focused to finish a project I have started. I struggle to focus on anything, I love to cook, but I can't focus enough or whatever to do much more than one dish at a time. I've burned more meals than I ever have in my life!
Well, that's it-----no poem for today-----just a tired and fuzzy old lady who ...........................................................................................................................oops, sorry dozed off!
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