Different Times

Oh, my, the catharsis has begun:

Feelings?

Isolated from feelings

As a prisoner from the world.

Allowing no one near enough to see….

the fear…

the pain…

the anger…

Dreaming of a love who can free me.

Lying safely in my dreams

Because loving would mean escape.

Escape would mean feeling without

Isolation to protect.

No shield to cover the unhealed wounds

Of so long ago…

So little time between the pain…

Never enough to heal.

Never enough to forget.

Knowing the pretending must end.

And the feeling must begin.

Allowing the dream to come true.

 

P.A.W.

1986

 

 

 

Before and After

The numbness has faded

Now every nerve screams in pain and disbelief

Where was I all these months?

I was frozen, I was suspended

Shock took over my mind and body.

I am consumed with images and emptiness

Before and after-that is my life.

“They” say the first year has all the hard anniversaries.

What first year? The one spent going through the motions and no awareness?

Or the first year your mind actually awakens to the reality?

The reality that he is truly gone?

P A Wade 2014